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Vacation Wisdom for Emotional Storms

Vacation Wisdom for Emotional Storms

I approached this year’s vacation much like I prepared for my wedding – with visions of undiluted happiness spinning in my head.  But after arriving at midnight, I woke up in Vacation Heaven to raging winds, and a stormy sea.  Lake Michigan was unsafe for small vessels and open water swimming.  And strangely, it reminded me of a shocking truth we all live with, but frequently ignore… [Read more…]

Marriage Advice for Wedded Bliss

Marriage Advice for Wedded Bliss

My Beautiful Niece, Photo Courtesy of Elizabeth Henson Photos

Two weeks ago we attended the wedding of my niece.  The ceremony and reception were exquisite – just as she is.  Watching the ceremony, I started thinking about all the planning and effort that culminates in a wedding.  Then I thought about all the places we get stuck when the honeymoon is over.

What would keep us from repeating the mistakes that suck the life out of a relationship?  What do I wish I’d known when I was a blushing newlywed? I decided to answer my own questions in the form of an open letter to my niece.

Here’s a teaser of that letter from

My Beautiful Niece,

By now you’ve been married for almost two weeks and I thought I’d drop a line to offer you the kind of marriage advice that no one offered me. If you follow it, you’ll have a good shot at doing what your parents and mine couldn’t, and what your uncle and I work at daily: succeeding in your marriage. We’ve learned some priceless lessons by trial and error.

Lesson 1: Place a strong boundary around your relationship.

I noticed that you tuned out of Facebook during your honeymoon. Way to go! That was your time with your husband; you did not need to share it with friends and family. Just as you protected that experience from outside interference, so you will need to protect your relationship from the tentacles of your families and friends.

Everyone on both sides will have opinions and specific marriage advice about who should be doing what. We love you both, but our opinions are not your golden truths. So take them with a grain of salt. Set a firm boundary around your marriage, and let no one outside that boundary dictate your actions within it. From inside your relationship boundary, work as …

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Betrayed? What to Do Instead of Revenge Cheat

Revenge Cheat

Here’s a teaser from my latest article on

In a committed relationship, when your man cheats, you want to kick him where it hurts. An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth. The thought of inflicting the same kind of cheating pain tastes like the sweetest revenge.

You want to even the score by making him understand the hell he rained down on you. Or maybe your self-esteem requires emergency treatment, and you need to know if you’re still loveable and desirable. The bottom line is you feel overwhelmed, and need a game plan.

Looking for a way to patch up your heart, you search for relationship advice.

Can you revenge cheat? Sure, but it may not accomplish what you want. To understand, let’s look at your motivation, the possibility of repairing your relationship, and your own recovery.

Step 1:  Explore Your Motivation For Revenge Cheating.

It’s true that he screwed up, but your cheating won’t unscrew the hot mess that remains. Remember that — especially in love — two wrongs don’t make a right. What if that eye-for-an-eye mojo works in reverse? He may use your revenge cheating to justify his initial cheating. And he may overlook something very important…

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