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Not-So-Magic Mirrors, Identity, and Value

“Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all”, asked the evil queen in the German fairy tale, “Snow White”, and a fantastic course of events followed.  Like the fictional queen, many of us look in mirrors to ask our questions daily: Am I okay? Do I look good enough to step out into the world?  For some of us, mirrors on the wall are just the beginning of the challenge: other people become mirrors into which we gaze to determine our identity and value.

This looking outward process started in infancy when the first way we learned about ourselves was through the reflections we saw in our caregivers.  Their responses to us and our needs communicated whether or not we were consistently valued, loved, accepted, safe, and enough.  But what happens if we grow up without a strong  conviction of our inner value and identity?  We might be stuck looking at others to tell us who we are and whether or not we are okay.  We might be so focused on others that we fail to recognize  our own opinions and thoughts.

So what’s a girl or guy to do?  We’d probably all agree that other people function as unreliable mirrors – they are not magic and they often reflect inaccurate messages about our value and identity.  In my therapy practice and in my personal life, I’m discovering the freedom of exploring one’s own inner world.  It begins with an openness to become aware of my authentic feelings and thoughts.

Where are you looking discover who you are and to determine if you are okay?  Maybe it’s time to turn away from your not-so-magic mirrors.

Are You Ready to Start?

If so, please Contact Me and describe your concerns and we'll discuss how counseling can help.


  1. Betty Hamlett says:

    Just read your latest blog “Mirror” and it seems like we do look to see perfection but often times we can only find it inside and not in the mirror.

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