Here’s a teaser from my latest article on YourTango.com:
In a committed relationship, when your man cheats, you want to kick him where it hurts. An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth. The thought of inflicting the same kind of cheating pain tastes like the sweetest revenge.
You want to even the score by making him understand the hell he rained down on you. Or maybe your self-esteem requires emergency treatment, and you need to know if you’re still loveable and desirable. The bottom line is you feel overwhelmed, and need a game plan.
Looking for a way to patch up your heart, you search for relationship advice.
Step 1: Explore Your Motivation For Revenge Cheating.
It’s true that he screwed up, but your cheating won’t unscrew the hot mess that remains. Remember that — especially in love — two wrongs don’t make a right. What if that eye-for-an-eye mojo works in reverse? He may use your revenge cheating to justify his initial cheating. And he may overlook something very important…
You can read the rest of this article at: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/gina-binder/betrayed-3-things-you-should-instead-revenge-cheat#ixzz38LBU6MC1
It makes me smile thinking how a mistake can be countered by doing another one. It’s really not going to help the situation. A forgiving heart and the will to continue with the relationship or just give up is our only choice and I guess, it will be up to us when time comes. Thanks for sharing, Gina.
You sum it up beautifully, Rochefel. We have 2 clear options: a will to repair the break, or a will to let go. Adding one mistake to another complicates the pain and slows the healing.
I absolutely agree with you Gina, that revenge anything is quite childish. When a relationship needs help, when one partner cheats, revenge cheating is definitely not going to steer the relationship in the right direction towards healing.
Cheating is a sign of something much larger and unless the couple has mutually agreed to an open and non-monogamous relationship, this breach of trust, can move it one of two directions. The partners can work to repair it, or separate and move on, forgive the past and build new futures without each other.
I agree there is no way to fix a relationship if both partners are in the wrong. Someone has to be the bigger person and own up to what they did and both of them want to have to work on the relationship.
I agree Gina – revenge won’t solve anything and in the long term won’t make you feel better either.
Recovery is the point and yes two wrongs do not make it right… Great advice Gina, thanks!