There comes a time in every relationship when a bit of rescue is needed:
- Someone has broken your trust – in a big or small way.
- You’re stuck in a cycle of unhealthy arguments.
- You don’t understand each other.
- You can’t agree on anything.
- You’ve forgotten how to have fun together.
Why is it that problems like these suck the life out of a relationship? Maybe it’s because….
Your mind can be a very dangerous place.
Think about it. You can feel as poor as Job’s turkey, and have a pretty fat bank account. Or, you can live like a prince, forgetting that you have the limited resources of a pauper. It all hinges on percerception.
Money expert, Sharon O’Day, explains how our perceptions can keep us feeling poor. She reminds us that “Truth is universal. Perception of truth is not”. And that’s what makes the mind a somewhat scary place to dwell. Creating danger for your relationship…
Your perception of truth could hijack your relationship.
Sceptical? Let me count the ways…
- You can be married to a super faithful spouse (truth), and doubt every move they make (perception).
- Your partner may welcome your free expression (truth), but you zip your opinions up tight in fear (perception).
- Your spouse may think you’re sizzling hot (truth), while you feel dismally dowdy (perception).
- Your mind can spin a wild story (perception) from your partner’s simple, factual statement (truth).
- Your partner can confess to a small offense (truth) and your mind can jack it up to a huge crime (perception).
Basically, your mind can function like an amazing raconteur: it won’t let the truth stand in the way of a good story (perception). If that happens too often, your relationship begins to flounder. You get hijacked on the sea of love – by faulty perception. You need a way to rescue your relationship…
Challenge your perceptions to rescue your relationship.
As a wise client so eloquently expressed it: “I need to think outside the box, and not inside my head”. Take a moment to chew on that profound nugget of wisdom.
How often does the terrifying story in your mind conflict with the simple truth before you?
My client and her partner recognized that faulty perceptions often hijacked their relationship. Things started changing for the good when they learned that “there’s always a truth to unlock”. So what if we make that our mission: to work as a team to unlock the truth? It sure beats pounding the (perceived) truth into each other…
Practical Ways to Challenge Perceptions and Rescue Your Relationship:
- Accept that your mind is a masterful storyteller, and honestly question its perceptions.
- When a partner speaks, step into the role of interested inquirer. Refuse to play a know-it-all judge.
- When you speak, reveal your own perceptions, and be willing to test their accuracy with your partner.
- Be a truth seeker: Approach all communication and interaction with curiosity. Be wary of what you assume to be true.
- Seek to understand, rather than solely demanding to be understood.
If you each learn to share perceptions as what they are – your own understanding, and not necessarily accurate – you can work as a team to unlock the truth together. In the process, you’ll begin to rescue your relationship. That’s what I’ve learned in my own marriage.
What have you learned about truth and perception in relationships? Speak your mind below!