The time has come to to take action! A serious relationship needs your immediate attention. A connection is gasping for air…
- A marriage with poor communication or disconnection?
- The bad relationship you have with your teen?
- A hit or miss relationship with the Divine Being?
No. No. And a resounding No!
Why these relationships aren’t your most important:
I don’t mean to dismiss your marital problems. I understand how easily committed relationships morph into impossible connections. Chronic arguments, uncontrolled behaviors, and infidelity drive serious wedges between partners. Yet there’s An Important Relationship (let’s call it AIR) that may interfere with how we address each of these very real problems…
Neither do I intend to devalue the important role of parenting, or its myriad stressors. From toddlers to teens, tantrums, disobedience, and uncontrollable sibling rivalry push our buttons. In adolescence, intemperate behavior, defiant attitudes, declining school work, and substance abuse exhaust our patience. Even in adulthood, our parenting stressors may expand. Believe it or not, the health of AIR may determine whether we respond to these challenges with grace or a meltdown…
AIR is a cool acronym. We need air to breathe, to live. If we are people of faith, then our relationship with God often feels like air to our souls. We deem it our most important relationship. But as a person of faith, I’ve learned that an unhealthy AIR can really mess up our relationship with God – just like unhealthy air can mess up our performance as humans.
If we screw up THIS relationship, it could damage ALL other important ones.
Introducing Your Most Important Relationship…
It’s the one you have with Yourself! And you experience this relationship I’m calling AIR 24/7. Most of us would not intentionally dismiss a connection with whom we spend a lot of time: a loved one, a close friend, or a Divine Being we worship. Yet we can easily ignore ourselves: our thoughts, our feelings, our bodies.
To illustrate what I’m talking about, let’s consider the person who is closest to you right now. You probably understand what that person feels, what they like and dislike. With a bit of attunement, you’re able to recognize changes in their moods and possibly read their body language. You may give similar attention to your pet.
Do you give the same attention to yourself?
What happens when you ignore Yourself?
Let’s use three primary relationships to explore the answer to this question: your marriage, your kids, and God.
Example 1: Your Marriage
If you are insecure, you may be unable to believe that your spouse truly loves and desires You – even if they do. That lack of perceived trust can create distance between you, and that distance can intensify your insecurity. For most of us, that insecurity began in childhood. It’s a problem that needs attention. By ignoring AIR, the problem grows and casts shadows on your committed relationships.
Example 2: Your Kids
If you have anxiety and a kid or two, it may be hard not to micromanage them. That kind of anxiety creates conflict with children – if you must control them in order to relieve your inner stress. Maybe your anxiety began way before you became a parent. It’s a problem that needs attention. By ignoring AIR, anxiety grows and creates parenting distress.
Example 3: God
If you are a Christian who grew up in a house where you were never enough, you may perceive the Divine Being as a Harsh Taskmaster. Too easily may you project your self-perception onto God. If you are not enough for yourself, how can you believe you are enough for Him? Your self-perception began in childhood. By ignoring AIR, an impaired self-perception fails to improve, creating perceived distance from an Amazing Spiritual Resource.
A Reflection on Your Most Important Relationship
These common examples reveal how three individual struggles affect our important relationships. Yet we have these struggles because we are Human. As such, I believe that Our Most Important Relationship is the One We Have With Ourselves. If spouses, children, and God are all worthy of our time, attention, and love, then so are WE!
If your Relationship With Yourself needs help, I encourage you to explore couples counseling.
And if my words resonate with you, I invite you to contact me.