“Nothing hurts worse than Not Being Known,” said a septuagenarian to a group of 5000 at a recent women’s conference. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, I felt the weight of their truth. That Wound of Unknowing – I’ve lived with it. After all, I’ve walked the lonely road of widowhood for [...]
How is a thief exposed? Usually his or her identity comes into focus when we realize that something of value has been taken from us. A successful thief stays in business by pulling the wool over our eyes, and keeping our attention in the dark. Maybe the thief starts out taking small bits of what we [...]
Cinderella's fairy tale seduces us into believing that we acquire self-esteem from external sources. For too many of us, this becomes the illusive path to self-esteem and our happily ever afters. So what's a 21st century girl to do?
Few people like criticism, and for good reason: other peoples’ negative opinions can prove deadly to our self-esteem. Criticism can deflate self-esteem by arousing and arming what McKay and Fanning (2000) call our “internal pathological critic” (p. 147). Think of your pathological critic as an inner mp3 player that effortlessly streams messages of your personal deficiencies. [...]
Have you ever considered how our shoulds can work against us? Those thoughts running through our heads in the form of “_______ should _______” reflect our values and rules for living. Such thoughts compare the way we are to the way we think we ought to be. Yet they work against us when they are rigid, [...]