As humans, we invest important resources on relationships and objects we value the most. We dedicate time and attention to our children, our pets, even our homes and jobs. While we likely have some idea about indicators of health for each item listed, we may be less likely to understand the signs of a healthy relationship.
Let’s travel down Memory Lane to recall the effort you each expended to nurture the health of a special relationship before two humans became one couple. What happened later?
As time passes, kids, jobs and general adulting challenges distracts all couples from investing continued time and energy on the health of the relationship they created.
So whether you’ve just met, or have been together for decades, read on as we explore what I consider to be key signs of a healthy relationship.
Key Sign #1: Healthy Relationships Practice Effective Communication
While healthy couples are not perfect communicators, they do learn to understand the communication style of each partner and they seek to avoid common communication potholes.
First of all, their communication patterns reflect courtesy and reciprocity, revealing a genuine concern for each other’s wellbeing. An intention to understand the other and to be understood by the other fuels conversation.
Rather than jumping to conclusions about what they do or don’t hear in a conversation, healthy partners practice communicating with empathy and curiosity. Instead of avoiding confrontation, these couples discuss disagreements with civility, and quickly recover when emotions get the best of their efforts.
Healthy partners expand and tweak their communication skills throughout the life of their relationship.
Key Sign #2: Healthy Relationships Value Connection
In healthy relationships, partners seek to understand what makes each other feel both physically and emotionally connected. Think of human connection as a kind of shared intimacy.
Couples experience emotional intimacy when they can vulnerably and safely share what they dream, fear, or desire. Similarly, physical intimacy depends on a shared sense of desired levels of human touch, including physical proximity, holding hands, receiving hugs, and sex.
Healthy couples take care of their emotional and physical connection, even when one partner values a different form of connection from the other. Each learns to ask for what they need and both learn to positively respond to a partner’s connection request.
Key Sign #3: Healthy Relationships Nurture Trust
According to Brene Brown, healthy partners’ actions align with a mutual goal of building and maintaining trust.
Partners agree on relationship boundaries and each chooses to live within the agreed boundaries. They build reliability by doing what they say they will do, and they quickly hold themselves accountable and seek repair anytime trust is broken.
Partners routinely keep confidences, and each refuses to poison their relationship by listening to gossip from outsiders. Instead, these couples focus on doing the right thing for their committed relationship. One way partners achieve this focus is to reframe their response when something disturbs one about the other. Rather than unleash immediate judgment, partners seek clarification about any perceived offense.
As they encounter relational up and downs, healthy partners expect the best from that person they love, and trust grows.
Conclusion: Healthy Partners Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
Rather than chase an impossible state of relationship perfection, healthy partners focus on relationship progress.
Communication snafus provide opportunities to practice accountability and a corrected response. By learning to ask for what they individually need, partners, avoid long periods of disconnection. Similarly, perceived threats to trust open the door to a conversation seeking understanding and not judgment.
To summarize, relationship health depends less on the absence of problems, and so much more on the way couples respond to problems that arise.
While Couples Counseling doesn’t provide a magical fix for any relationship, it can help many couples learn healthier ways to repair communication, connection and trust problems.
If this resonates with you, and your relationship needs to improve in any of these areas, please reach out to learn more about Couples Counseling.
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